Brain Cells

BRAIN CELLS

I created this page of various cartoons to express some of my thoughts and moments during my cancer journey. I have found capturing various the thoughts was actually somewhat healing and meaningful. While some panels very lightly captures what it was like during treatment, other panels or more serious and capture specific moments. Much of this will be in my memoir. Enjoy!

When my family and I first met the neuro‑surgeon shortly after he did my biopsy, he said because I was young and in good shape, that there was no reason I couldn’t be here...and pointed to the end of the line (circled in green) that went down but never hit zero. That stuck with me ever since.

During radiation I sensed a metallic smell when the machine was on and I wondered if it was coming from outside or was triggered in my brain. I brought a lemon to my radiation treatment and asked to have the lemon sit on my radiation mask to see if the strong smell of the lemon would override the metallic smell I was sensing during radiation. It did not, confirming the ‘smell was all in my head!'

I was in Kenya fall of 2024, where I saw these two elephants chatting which reminded me of my situation. As there was a family history of cancer (my mom had breast cancer), I was tested for Li‑Fraumeni syndrome (LFS). LFS is a rare hereditary disorder caused by mutations in the TP53 tumor suppressor gene, which significantly increases the risk of developing various cancers, including brain tumours. It turned out that I didn’t have a mutation in TP53.

More info on TP53:

On the very early morning of April 12, 2003, on the third floor of BC Cancer, I was the only one remaining at the GSC when after hours of analysis, the complete sequence of the SARS coronavirus genome appeared on my screen around 2:25 in the morning. I first called my mom to say we did it and then emailed all staff. Later that Saturday, the GSC was buzzing with people and we made world-wide headlines! Ten months later, I collapsed and my life changed forever.

More here on that exciting time...

I used to visualize various images like when I took chemotherapy, I would imagine the drug as little fighters going in, and destroying the cancer cells. I do believe thoughts like this can indeed be helpful. Your thoughts are transmitted via neurotransmitters and other neurochemicals. You can proactively release various feel-good neurotransmitters in your brain based on what you think about. Your brain chemistry changes physical structures in your brain and body.

What happens when you think?

I remember long ago that if only I could just get a healthy new brain!

After my diagnosis, I felt there was no reason to stop my life. I went on a date before I even got results from my first round of treatment. Eventually, I told her what I was dealing with and she stuck around.

Cells communicating. Astrocytoma is difficult to treat because the tumors are mixed with healthy tissue in the brain. The higher the grade of the tumor, the more likely that surgery will be accompanied by medication and radiation.

Info on astrocytomas

A mental visualization during radiation

Cancer is not wanted. It takes up unneeded space in our lives.

We all hope for a home run! Hmm, #97...is that Conner McDavid?

After my diagnosed, I felt like there was something disgusting in my brain, that shouldn’t be there amongst all the healthy cells. This image basically sums it up!

When you are offering them your presence, empathy, and acceptance without trying to fix, judge, or impose your own views. Being there, allowing someone to talk about their feelings or experiences without jumping in with solutions or personal stories.

Thoughts on holding space at A Fresh Chapter

During a hockey game in 2014, by the third period, I suddenly realized something was wrong. I was starting to see double. Makes sense to first come about while playing hockey as your eyes are moving back and forth so quickly. Found out later it was damage to an optical nerve from radiation 10 years before.

Sasquatch Hockey

During treatment when I lost my hair, there was much time to rest and think. About how much time I had, and a drawing I did years before which gave me strength. I realized I could leverage the past to give me strength in the now, and not worry about the future.

Description of the piece of art, Time, that I am holding.

In a trip to Tofino, in Feb 2023, an undercurrent pulled me out very far from shore. I struggled, called for help, and just before giving up, layed on my back. I looked up at the sky and told my mom I wasn't ready to go; that I need to be here for Hana. That was the best move it turned out, as I floated towards shore and my dad was able to grab me.

Article on this incident in the Tofino News

That's a valid question the dude is asking me. There is some truth to what I said, that with every passing year that was more "material" for my book. It's 2025 now, and I am writing the last closing chapter! Look at one of my reference books to my left!

In my 3rd week of treatment (April, 2004), I threw up my chemo pills. I didn’t realize until a couple hours later that perhaps I should let the hospital know. Either that, or I try to retrieve them from the toilet!

I was reminded of the scene from Trainspotting!

During treatment, I walked 2.5 hours to the Royal Canadian Legion to visit Dennis Lester who was my boss 9 years earlier when he got me to put together the Internet café in Burnaby. After a few weeks of radiation, I lost all my hair where the bulk of the radiation went –- half my head was bald! This was ok as I always wore my ball cap. But when I walked into the RCL, staff at the bar told me I was not allowed to wear a ball cap. The next day I shaved off the hair remaining on the right side of my head.

More on the internet Cafe I put togther in 1995!

In 2015, I was given an award to recognize my service to the brain cancer community. On that day, after my speech, my daughter came to me and it was the first time she learned what I had been through. She was 7. The image is from an acrylic painting I did.

More details of this art piece used for this image can be found on my art site.

Support groups are a great place to learn, inspire and meet others who can relate to your experiences.

Early 2025, we were informed that the annual Tour de Cure ride was canceled. Sad for us riders to hear that ride that started in 2009 was over. The Brainiacs continue to ride through!