Catching the Light
Chapter 14
The Elephant, the Camel, and the Angel
All dreams are fulfilled according to how they are interpreted.
- The Talmud
During treatment, I had two very powerful dreams. It so happened that both occurred when friends whom I had met in Israel through a program called Livnot U’lehibanot, came to visit me. The first was when Jen, Max and Amy came in my third week of treatment (last week of April). The second was when Daniel and Shelley visited near the end of treatment (last week of May). This is the story of those two dreams.
Jen and Max got married in Florida in a beautifully fun and wild wedding which I had the pleasure to attend. Them coming to Vancouver from Colorado during my third week of treatment completely took my mind off what I was going through. Being off work allowed me to spend all day with them. Trips to Granville Island. Walks along the seawall. Sharing stories of our adventures in Israel and Turkey.
One night late April in my fourth week of treatment, they were over at my place with their 10-month-old son Jaden. Along with our mutual friend Amy who flew in from Washington, DC, we were heavily engaged in conversation and they were not ready to leave to go to the Plaza 500 hotel down the street. So we decided that Jaden would rest on my bed, and I arranged pillows around him to act as somewhat of a crib. We enjoyed our time together and then it was late and time for everyone to leave. I was absolutely exhausted and needed to sleep—a common side effect of the chemotherapy and radiation. They grabbed Jaden and I got ready for bed. I came back to the room and decided that instead of removing the pillows, I would just lay my head down right in amongst the pillows, exactly where Jaden had been sleeping. Then I had the dream.
I was in a dark, damp and cold room. I heard what sounded like water dripping and I felt a bit of a breeze and sensed something behind me. A figure all in black with a hood making it hard to see any face and holding a scepter at his side. Death or a symbol of death I felt. He was slowly approaching me, hovering in the air rather than walking. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't move, frozen in my spot. The room felt even colder. Then I felt a movement of air but different than what I had felt before, circulating around warming my feet. To my surprise, there was a being, or to be more descriptive of what I saw, it was an angel moving its hands around slowly seemingly causing the the warm air to circle around me. Then I realized he wasn’t just any angel but this was baby Jaden and he had wings. He was using his hands to direct a kind of energy around my feet and my shins. It felt very nice and comforting and death was moving more slowly. The angel kept moving up and by the time it was around my hips, the energy was moving even faster, almost wind-like and my whole lower body felt very comfortable. I sensed a little bit of light entering the room. Angel Jaden didn’t stop moving his hands methodically in silence.
Death, started to move back slowly. The floor started to feel less wet while the warm air in a circular fashion around my body had moved up to my shoulders. The darkness was continuing to replaced by light. Angel Jaden was now at my shoulders and floating in the air. For a minute I wondered how does a baby get into the air like that? But I reminded myself that he wasn't just baby Jaden, he was an angel. Angels could fly and it looked like angels could scare away death too. Indeed Death continued to retreat back to where it came from. The movement of the air around my shoulders and neck had been faster than it had been up to that point. Angel Jaden moved up higher and the energy and light was moving faster than ever around my head while leaving a trail of comfort and warmth throughout the rest of my body that it had passed. Death was gone. The room was now almost white now. I was incredibly comfortable and warm. The light was going around my head at lightning speed. Everything became brighter and brighter, the room became completely white and I woke up.
I lay amongst the pillows in comfort. I felt warm and embraced. I am going to survive, I think to myself. I knew that cancer wouldn't beat me. But it also felt like a message from a higher source. God perhaps. That Death was there and ready to take me. Perhaps I would have gone without the fact of angel Jaden showing up, wrapping me in protection from Death, passing on a message that my time was not up, and I am being brought back life. I knew that Death would have to wait, come back another time, hopefully much later. This time, I was going to live.
That morning, I couldn’t wait to tell Jen and Max and Amy. And my family. I was on a high, bursting with energy, love and enthusiasm for life. It's been with me ever since.
When Shelley and Daniel came to visit in my last week of treatment, I had got over the negative effects of the chemo therapy and was off it completely. Unlike Jen and Max who got a hotel down the street, they stayed on the floor in the living room. I took them to the same places I took Jen, Max and Amy. I was finishing treatment and they came to my very last radiation. During one night they were over, I had another powerful dream.
In front of me were a few stalls, like where horses are held and I stood in front of one, but I was not facing a horse; it was an elephant. He was calm with a very peaceful look while he stood looking at me with love. Then he began to flicker or fade away in silence but as he did, another form gradually took it’s place, a camel. Now I was facing a camel who stood in front of me just as calmly as the elephant. After some time, it started to flicker and morphed back to an elephant. Then back to a camel. The cycle continued and I then heard a deep voice that seemed to come from above. He spoke to me--I wish I remember exactly what was said--saying something along the lines that everything would be fine and not to worry.
I woke up with the most calm and pleasant feeling. In fact, I felt completely healed. That despite the terrible prognosis I was facing, I was being looked after. That I will live and the cancer will be gone. Of course, I felt this way after the first dream but this just confirmed it.Then I recalled a dream book I had with interpretations from a Kabbalistic perspective. The Dreams Book – Finding Your Way Through The Dark by Yehuda Berg. Before I got the cancer, I started studying the Kabbalah in a very basic way. Being a dreamer all my life, I picked up this particular book. I recalled that at the back of the book were dream symbols and I quickly went to that section. I was in awe. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.First, I looked at how to interpret a dream of an elephant: “Positive, a request has been heard.” I was blown away.
Then, I looked to see what it said about a camel: “Saved from death.” I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I was convinced that this was a message from a higher source. It instantly took away any fear I had. After a number of years, I was finally about to turned the dream into an art piece.
Later my cousin Guy showed my some text from the Talmud. The Talmud is a collection of writings that covers the full gamut of Jewish law and tradition, compiled and edited between the third and sixth centuries. He showed me these portions:
“One who sees an elephant in a dream it is an omen that miracles will be performed for him. One who sees multiple elephants in a dream [which I did indeed!], miracles upon miracles will be performed for him. One who sees a camel in a dream, it is an omen that death was decreed upon him from heaven but he was spared.”
All I knew then, and I am a firm believer now, that there is a energy or force outside of our five dimensions. Call it God, Hashem, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, they are all names for the same universal power.
Eight years later, in 2012, in a trip to see my sister in Toronto, we did a side trip to Niagara Falls which is where an old elementary friend of mine, Corrine and I planned to meet. It was incredible to see her after so many years and she looked just as stunning as I had remembered. We connected immediately as if we were back in the playground at recess.
She lived in Stony Creek, Ontario and was one of the first girls I ever liked. She was my "girlfriend" briefly in grade 6 until I dumped her for another good looking girl. Later I regretted this mistake and after grade 7, we lost touch as she went to a different high school. Twenty-four years later, through the wonders of Facebook, we reconnected. On that trip, after meeting at Niagara Falls, we spent a lot of time enjoying each other over 3 or 4 magical days. I knew on the last night at her place that when I woke up early, I’d have to slip away back to Toronto. I couldn’t fall back to sleep so went downstairs to the kitchen to make a coffee. As I sipped the coffee, I reflected on our time together. I had never connected to someone so deeply so quickly as if our souls were meant to meet again. As I was standing against a wall, she started to come down the stairs but she stopped when I told herI wanted to tell her about a dream I had, of the grim reaper and the angel. I had already told her about the cancer and that this dream more than anything gave me the confidence I would survive. As I neared the end of my story, I noticed her face had almost turned white. She said she's going to need me to retell the story.
"Why?" I asked.
"I seriously don't remember what you were talking about at the time. I remember you talking, but all I could think about was what was behind you. I can still picture it in my mind."
“Something behind me? What are you talking about?”
"Okay, so as you were talking a shadow appeared behind you. I don't remember it coming or going. Hold on, I'm going to try to find a picture that resembles the image..."
She searches online on her phone and finds a picture of an angel.
"This is as close as I could find but it was only the outline, I couldn't see the face or any details but that's how the outline of the wings was behind you. The arc of the wings was higher than your shoulders."
"The wings on a figure behind me?" I asked in wonder.
"Yes like someone was behind you. That is the shape of the wings - don't pay attention to any of the details in that pic, I just wanted you to see the shape of the wings."
"Must have been a shadow no?", I said as I maneuver in various ways attempting to create an image behind me but with no luck.
"No, it definitely wasn't your shadow", Corrine says shaking her head.
Now I was flowing with excitement, energy and emotions. I wanted to cry.
The sky was getting bright and we knew that when when the daylight comes, I’d have to go. At the bus station I held her so close for some time before I headed inside.
A year later, in the summer of 2013, Daniel flew in from New York to meet me in Colorado. I day later, Shelley came in from St. Louis. We were to spend the week with Jen and Max in their hometown. A mini-reunion for us all, we hiked. We partied. We shared stories. We laughed. But, there was another reason I was excited to visit. Jaden was now 10 years old. I told him the story of my dream and gave him a big hug one evening before his bedtime. It was a special moment. I was hugging a real live angel! At the time, it reminded me that I really did beat the odds. I really was close to death and in the year I was diagnosed, he was just a baby! Baby Jaden gave me that message. Sometimes it felt surreal that I had survived this long. Jaden was living proof.
I felt very very blessed and humbled.
Jen and Max got married in Florida in a beautifully fun and wild wedding which I had the pleasure to attend. Them coming to Vancouver from Colorado during my third week of treatment completely took my mind off what I was going through. Being off work allowed me to spend all day with them. Trips to Granville Island. Walks along the seawall. Sharing stories of our adventures in Israel and Turkey.
One night late April in my fourth week of treatment, they were over at my place with their 10-month-old son Jaden. Along with our mutual friend Amy who flew in from Washington, DC, we were heavily engaged in conversation and they were not ready to leave to go to the Plaza 500 hotel down the street. So we decided that Jaden would rest on my bed, and I arranged pillows around him to act as somewhat of a crib. We enjoyed our time together and then it was late and time for everyone to leave. I was absolutely exhausted and needed to sleep—a common side effect of the chemotherapy and radiation. They grabbed Jaden and I got ready for bed. I came back to the room and decided that instead of removing the pillows, I would just lay my head down right in amongst the pillows, exactly where Jaden had been sleeping. Then I had the dream.
I was in a dark, damp and cold room. I heard what sounded like water dripping and I felt a bit of a breeze and sensed something behind me. A figure all in black with a hood making it hard to see any face and holding a scepter at his side. Death or a symbol of death I felt. He was slowly approaching me, hovering in the air rather than walking. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't move, frozen in my spot. The room felt even colder. Then I felt a movement of air but different than what I had felt before, circulating around warming my feet. To my surprise, there was a being, or to be more descriptive of what I saw, it was an angel moving its hands around slowly seemingly causing the the warm air to circle around me. Then I realized he wasn’t just any angel but this was baby Jaden and he had wings. He was using his hands to direct a kind of energy around my feet and my shins. It felt very nice and comforting and death was moving more slowly. The angel kept moving up and by the time it was around my hips, the energy was moving even faster, almost wind-like and my whole lower body felt very comfortable. I sensed a little bit of light entering the room. Angel Jaden didn’t stop moving his hands methodically in silence.
Death, started to move back slowly. The floor started to feel less wet while the warm air in a circular fashion around my body had moved up to my shoulders. The darkness was continuing to replaced by light. Angel Jaden was now at my shoulders and floating in the air. For a minute I wondered how does a baby get into the air like that? But I reminded myself that he wasn't just baby Jaden, he was an angel. Angels could fly and it looked like angels could scare away death too. Indeed Death continued to retreat back to where it came from. The movement of the air around my shoulders and neck had been faster than it had been up to that point. Angel Jaden moved up higher and the energy and light was moving faster than ever around my head while leaving a trail of comfort and warmth throughout the rest of my body that it had passed. Death was gone. The room was now almost white now. I was incredibly comfortable and warm. The light was going around my head at lightning speed. Everything became brighter and brighter, the room became completely white and I woke up.
I lay amongst the pillows in comfort. I felt warm and embraced. I am going to survive, I think to myself. I knew that cancer wouldn't beat me. But it also felt like a message from a higher source. God perhaps. That Death was there and ready to take me. Perhaps I would have gone without the fact of angel Jaden showing up, wrapping me in protection from Death, passing on a message that my time was not up, and I am being brought back life. I knew that Death would have to wait, come back another time, hopefully much later. This time, I was going to live.
That morning, I couldn’t wait to tell Jen and Max and Amy. And my family. I was on a high, bursting with energy, love and enthusiasm for life. It's been with me ever since.
When Shelley and Daniel came to visit in my last week of treatment, I had got over the negative effects of the chemo therapy and was off it completely. Unlike Jen and Max who got a hotel down the street, they stayed on the floor in the living room. I took them to the same places I took Jen, Max and Amy. I was finishing treatment and they came to my very last radiation. During one night they were over, I had another powerful dream.
In front of me were a few stalls, like where horses are held and I stood in front of one, but I was not facing a horse; it was an elephant. He was calm with a very peaceful look while he stood looking at me with love. Then he began to flicker or fade away in silence but as he did, another form gradually took it’s place, a camel. Now I was facing a camel who stood in front of me just as calmly as the elephant. After some time, it started to flicker and morphed back to an elephant. Then back to a camel. The cycle continued and I then heard a deep voice that seemed to come from above. He spoke to me--I wish I remember exactly what was said--saying something along the lines that everything would be fine and not to worry.
I woke up with the most calm and pleasant feeling. In fact, I felt completely healed. That despite the terrible prognosis I was facing, I was being looked after. That I will live and the cancer will be gone. Of course, I felt this way after the first dream but this just confirmed it.Then I recalled a dream book I had with interpretations from a Kabbalistic perspective. The Dreams Book – Finding Your Way Through The Dark by Yehuda Berg. Before I got the cancer, I started studying the Kabbalah in a very basic way. Being a dreamer all my life, I picked up this particular book. I recalled that at the back of the book were dream symbols and I quickly went to that section. I was in awe. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.First, I looked at how to interpret a dream of an elephant: “Positive, a request has been heard.” I was blown away.
Then, I looked to see what it said about a camel: “Saved from death.” I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I was convinced that this was a message from a higher source. It instantly took away any fear I had. After a number of years, I was finally about to turned the dream into an art piece.
Later my cousin Guy showed my some text from the Talmud. The Talmud is a collection of writings that covers the full gamut of Jewish law and tradition, compiled and edited between the third and sixth centuries. He showed me these portions:
“One who sees an elephant in a dream it is an omen that miracles will be performed for him. One who sees multiple elephants in a dream [which I did indeed!], miracles upon miracles will be performed for him. One who sees a camel in a dream, it is an omen that death was decreed upon him from heaven but he was spared.”
All I knew then, and I am a firm believer now, that there is a energy or force outside of our five dimensions. Call it God, Hashem, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, they are all names for the same universal power.
Eight years later, in 2012, in a trip to see my sister in Toronto, we did a side trip to Niagara Falls which is where an old elementary friend of mine, Corrine and I planned to meet. It was incredible to see her after so many years and she looked just as stunning as I had remembered. We connected immediately as if we were back in the playground at recess.
She lived in Stony Creek, Ontario and was one of the first girls I ever liked. She was my "girlfriend" briefly in grade 6 until I dumped her for another good looking girl. Later I regretted this mistake and after grade 7, we lost touch as she went to a different high school. Twenty-four years later, through the wonders of Facebook, we reconnected. On that trip, after meeting at Niagara Falls, we spent a lot of time enjoying each other over 3 or 4 magical days. I knew on the last night at her place that when I woke up early, I’d have to slip away back to Toronto. I couldn’t fall back to sleep so went downstairs to the kitchen to make a coffee. As I sipped the coffee, I reflected on our time together. I had never connected to someone so deeply so quickly as if our souls were meant to meet again. As I was standing against a wall, she started to come down the stairs but she stopped when I told herI wanted to tell her about a dream I had, of the grim reaper and the angel. I had already told her about the cancer and that this dream more than anything gave me the confidence I would survive. As I neared the end of my story, I noticed her face had almost turned white. She said she's going to need me to retell the story.
"Why?" I asked.
"I seriously don't remember what you were talking about at the time. I remember you talking, but all I could think about was what was behind you. I can still picture it in my mind."
“Something behind me? What are you talking about?”
"Okay, so as you were talking a shadow appeared behind you. I don't remember it coming or going. Hold on, I'm going to try to find a picture that resembles the image..."
She searches online on her phone and finds a picture of an angel.
"This is as close as I could find but it was only the outline, I couldn't see the face or any details but that's how the outline of the wings was behind you. The arc of the wings was higher than your shoulders."
"The wings on a figure behind me?" I asked in wonder.
"Yes like someone was behind you. That is the shape of the wings - don't pay attention to any of the details in that pic, I just wanted you to see the shape of the wings."
"Must have been a shadow no?", I said as I maneuver in various ways attempting to create an image behind me but with no luck.
"No, it definitely wasn't your shadow", Corrine says shaking her head.
Now I was flowing with excitement, energy and emotions. I wanted to cry.
The sky was getting bright and we knew that when when the daylight comes, I’d have to go. At the bus station I held her so close for some time before I headed inside.
A year later, in the summer of 2013, Daniel flew in from New York to meet me in Colorado. I day later, Shelley came in from St. Louis. We were to spend the week with Jen and Max in their hometown. A mini-reunion for us all, we hiked. We partied. We shared stories. We laughed. But, there was another reason I was excited to visit. Jaden was now 10 years old. I told him the story of my dream and gave him a big hug one evening before his bedtime. It was a special moment. I was hugging a real live angel! At the time, it reminded me that I really did beat the odds. I really was close to death and in the year I was diagnosed, he was just a baby! Baby Jaden gave me that message. Sometimes it felt surreal that I had survived this long. Jaden was living proof.
I felt very very blessed and humbled.